We meet at last!

Last December 09, 2009 the field staff of DSWD (Department of Social Welfare and Development), Judith, and the staff of the Social Services Development, Lourdes, went over to my place. There We talked and tried to settle the matter. At first the field staff of DSWD seemed to be so composed with herself. I couldn't detect any distractions and worries from her demeanor. I was perperfectly right in insisting for her to come because we were able to express our feelings and there's time to reason out and ask questions. It appeared that nobody of them knows the real reason behind why they are there in my place. This was evident, when I told them that if I did not sent a complaint to Malacanang I am sure until now they wouldn' be here. "So that's the reason," she told me downheartedly. What followed is the asking of forgiveness, "if ever she made a mistake," Judith said. Well, I am very easy to forgive nowadays, and I learned not to keep grudges of any kind.

It was agreed that on the 2nd Monday of January, the next year, 2010, I will file my application for a grant, worth 3,000 pesos in the office of the Social Services Development Department. And Ma'am Lourdes Calomarde will be the one to attend to my application. However, what saddened me is the fact that the said amount is yet to be released on May the next year -- that will be almost half a year -- too long I think. Despite of this progress, I am already disgusted since it took me too long before everything is clear. I want to reiterate here, that I filed my application for a capital assistance last July of 2009; today is December 11, 2009; so it's, more or less, six months already. And even today, nothing has been processed yet -- I still have to wait for January 2010 for that. Then,  wait another five months for the released of the said fund. With all the hassles that accompanied the application 3,000 pesos is not really worth it. I hope the government will look deeper into this kind of time consuming and equally insufficient assistance program. Counting it all, from July 2009 to May 2010, it adds up to, approximately, eleven months -- tha's almost a year. Oh! What kind of aid is that.
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News about my family and relatives: from my niece

Hi uncle,

Here are the revelation!

Uyang cellphone number (...)

first question that my father ask, "really its true that Oloy is that person you talk/communicate in the computer?"

hehehehe,

Actually a minute ago, uyang was calling me! confirming for the second time, about you!  Asking me, why are you not coming home!  She had lot of things to talk with you, and ask me to do so,  but i deserved to be quit until uyang would personally say it to you!

About uncle Ondoy, he is working at the Treasurers office in Labason Municipal Hall. They had 3 son.  Do you remember mac euan malugao, the eldest! he is also a blogger.  just find him on net.  he is very easy to search.

About my Education, I currently study at Saint Vincent College, Dipolog City.
In the years I stopped going to college that was 2003-2007.  I spent the years researching on internet until i learn to assemble and repair a computer.  I even design images and any graphics using adobe photoshop and Corel draw.

I am also interesting to learn computer programming, but as time goes by, a very good friend and best friend of mine advice me to finished my college, for he will picked me from Philippines to Dubai. That is why sometime she sent me a little pony of support.

But that was some two times, because she told me that she got no extra money.
Even without her support for these days, i am thankful for I will achieve my goal soon!

anyway,

uncle, if you have time please call my papa too, he told me. cell number (...)

And I have a request, please sent me your story its up to you where to start!

i will send you and email attachment (picture) at (...)


Take care,
(...)
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My response:

Wow! It's nice that you try your best to learn how to repair a computer. If in case you've got  a problem with your computer, you can save money by fixing it yourself and, of course, that kind of skill means extra income -- you are talented! Do you mean, you can fix a computer including the hardware? Or, just the software.

You said that Nanay (my mother) has so many questions already. Ha ha ha! Do you think I can answer them all? I hope so. For the moment, I will answer first the question as to why I didn't come home; because, this is very important. The reasons have to do with pride, ambition, and principle.

For a long time, my life had no direction, this is due to failures. This brought me too much embarassment. I preferred to be left alone on my own devices and see if I can make it. I was only fortunate that a couple of years ago I discovered something that changed everything. That discovery led me to write a book. Presently, I am just waiting for the right time of its publication. Without the said discovery, you will never find me, because I wouldn't have to bother myself creating accounts more than an email. Well, I am very very sorry of what I did. But I believe that what I have done is the right thing.

Presently, I am working on my projects full time, and that means quiting my job -- and doing so is not easy. This is a daring effort. But I do believe this is what the world wants me to do. Soon, I will be appearing in the public to promote my projects.

Tell Nanay that I will be home when everything is already establihed. I am working very hard at the moment to make my projects a success. If Labason is only a walking distance; then, of course, at this moment I am there already. Insufficient money has also prevented me from visiting right away. Just imagine this: I can't even afford to have my cellphone fixed, how much more in going home. Soon, I will have the money needed, and that will be the time.

Sure, I will call Nanay, your father, and you, too, when I can.

Oh! That's good news that yoyo Ondoy got a position in the municipality of Labason. No doubt, he is already stable financially, good for the family. About Mac Euan, his eldest son, sure! I will try to read his blogs soon.

I can still recognize your face even though you are grown up already. Anang (my niece), too, she is still beautiful with her age; while Manang Lucy (your mother) is still looking young even these days. But Manong Dodong (my eldest brother), his face seems different to me. Perhaps due to the position of his face. With his chin up and head thrown backwards, it obscured some details of his face. In person, there might be a change but just minimal I think-- he is still identical to my brother of long ago. Thanks for sending me those lovely pictures.

You are asking my story. I have a short story written in Tagalog; you can view it at http://hereisataletotell.blogspot.com/2009/09/miracle-happens-everyday.html

One thing more, I got a problem with family relationship that I don't even know the calling addressed to the different stages of consanguinity correctly. This was brought to my attention when I am trying to replace the name Anang (a Cebuano term which reffered to my father's sister). First, the word "niece" pops into my head; but I want to be sure; so I got my French dictionary where I know the details has been fully illustrated with pictures. Just a few flipped of the pages I got to the section labeled "la famille." Then I looked for the word uncle which I know, beside it was labeled "Aunt." There I know I was wrong. And now, what is niece means. After scanning almost the whole diagram, near the end part, I found "niece" beside "nephew." Then, again, I know I made another mistake, because I called you my nephew, instead of niece -- what the hell is that! I better edit all those entries very soon. Very sorry. You should have told me about it.


UNCLE OLOY

News from the province

Here is a message from my email that was sent to me by my nephew who accidentally found me on the net. She talks so funny that I reread it several times.

... sent you a message on Facebook...
Lun 7 Décembre 2009, 19 h 30 min 44 s
De :  
Facebook
Ajouter dans les contacts
ƒ^ :     Anselmo Malugao <...@....com>    
...sent you a message.

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Re: surprised

yes, i do (have a picture of my papa)! i will send it to you on Wednesday.  I will prepare and find it first on my notebook comp. I think i do have a picture of uyang [my mother] too! but i have to scan it first, i forgot what are the file name of the folder containing it.  tomorrow, is Tuesday! we don't have class!  I don't have my own connection that's why i am dependent on the comp at school.

hehehehe, the truth is!  at a quick glance! you and papa, you two looks like! But if we have to compare, ya it just a resemblance.

ooooooohm, papa called me a couple of hours! Asking me confirming if i really talk with my uncle Oloy [my neckname in the province]!  of course I answered yes!  Lots of question, he thrown to me....  I think it is good that you answer it.  and I do hope that you can a receive a message from your cellphone, even if you cannot be reach.

my uyang [my mother] was preparing herself, hoping that one day you will call her.

everyone was surprised about the news, they even don't believe that we really talk, but of course just a messages.

i told them especially my papa, that i was not kidding, i am already 33 years old! hahahhaha.

you know uncle, theres a lot of things that was happened in labason, me, and the whole family, since you were leaving.  but i dont know either, how or where i start to tell you!

may be this coming Wednesday i can furnish you a copy of uyang mobile number!  very funny thinking that, this day!  Uyang was practicing how to use her cellphone, she knew how to answer, but she liked to know how to call you!  really she missed and love you......

there is now an electricity connecting to uyang new lovely house, waiting when you get home.

my sister Lea, was in there in Manila!

Lots things to tell, hahahhahahaha

yoyo Onyeng [my brother] and Yaya quina [my sister-in-law] were separated!  Yoyo was left alone in there small house at the boondocks [a plural exagerated spelling of the pilipino word "bundok," meaning mountain]... while yaya, was may or may not your neighbor.

so much gossip to tell,

but i forgot some of it......

till next time,


Lovely and humorous me,
(...)
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Here's my response:

Ha ha ha ha! I have a good laugh at your story. Really funny....I can't imagine my Nanay (mother) is now using a cellphone -- she is becoming high-tech, too -- very exciting indeed.

Yes, people would really be shocked with the news of this unexpected communication, because even me myself feels the same way. But who are these people you are talking about.

You said, my brother Onyeng is living on the mountain. I guess, still in that same location where the old house was. Well, it's a good place. Very quite, and it's overlooking the high way -- offering a wide view on the surroundings. I still have memories on that place, when I was still very young.

I am just curious what could be the first question your papa asked you when he learned about me. Can you tell me?

I am losing my Cebuano vocabulary already these days. So, talking is a little bit of a problem I think; I might not be able to find the word right away. But, anyway, I think I can manage. Tell Nanay (my mother) that I will call or text her whenever I can, just provide me the number.

What about Yoyo Ondoy (my other brother), how is he?

Lastly, I want to know where are you studying? Keep on striving! It's a good idea to always look for knowledge.

Your Uncle,
Oloy
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Comment: When I was young, mostly, I was called "Oloy," but my other relatives insisted on calling me "Joke-joke," instead.

Government aid -- too difficult! Why?

Below is the content of my email sent to Malacañang's DSWD Secretary, Sec. Esperanza I. Cabral, M.D.:

Dec. 09, 2009

SEC. ESPERANZA I. CABRAL

DSWD MALACAÑANG

Dear Ma'am Cabral,

Good day to you.

The field staff of DSWD Legarda whom I complained about came to my place last Saturday, unfortunately, I was not there, so she left a message. I called her today, Monday, Nov. 07, 2009, but I was disheartened to hear that aid, according to her, is not possible this month until May of the next year -- that means all government programs are already closed for clients within this span of time. What is worst, is that, she didn't even have a wish to come and see my exhibit anymore, but I insisted despite her saying that coming to my place will not change anything. Her statement is just like saying, What's the use of coming there! Anyway, I am glad that, finally, she agreed to come to my place on Wednesday, Dec, 09. Truly, I am really very suspicious with her pronouncement. I don't believe that the government can't do anything for me now. I filed my application since July, it's already six years; and, until now, I still don't see any positive sign of its approval. On the contrary, I see the likelihood of my application being scrapped at the end. Clearly, this will be due to the government employee's lack of initiative to be of service to others. Please, Ma'am Cabral, direct me to the right person who you think might help me.

SINCERELY YOURS,

MR. ANSELMO MALUGAO

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DSWD's visit

Today, December 05, 2009, as I was approaching the gate of my place from a lenthy walk to a Public Library, seeing me, my neighboor turned immediately towards me to tell about the visit of the Department of Social Welfare and Developement (DSWD). She then directed my attention to a piece of paper stucked in an iron wire. I was told, the visitor had been waiting for me before she finally decided to leave a note:

5th Dec. 2009,

Mr. Malugao,

This is the second time I visited your Exhibit but you're always not around. You can call me on Monday December 7, 2009. (at Livelihood Unit - 734-86-54)
God Bless....

Judith R. [Medianista?]


If she had only been willing to help, she could easily have done this thing before even without the prodding from her superiors.

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NOTE: When I made that call, I heard something disastrous that I was again very upset. To clear the matter of any misinformation I sent Secretary Cabral of DSWD Malacanang an email hoping she can do something.

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Message from Malacañang

How comforting it is to receive news that your request has been given action. This was my feelings when yesterday, I received an email from Sec. Esperanza I. Cabral of DSWD Malacañang, if I'm not mistaken, a response to my complaint concerning the cold treatment I received from a field staff of DSWD Legarda. Below is the said email.

27 November 2009

 Mr. Anselmo Malugao

(email address omitted)

Dear Mr. Malugao:

 This is to acknowledge receipt of your email dated 15 October 2009, which was forwarded to us by Assistant Secretary Ma. Lourdes P. Varona, Head Correspondence Office of the Office of the President, with regard to your complaint against "Judith" a staff of the NCR Field Office.

 Please be informed that we have instructed Director Thelsa P. Biolena of our DSWD NCR Field Office to conduct an investigation on this matter immediately.  Attached is a copy of our communication to Director Biolena for your information and reference.

 Rest assured that we shall inform you on any developments on this matter the soonest time possible.

 Thank you.

 Very truly yours,

  ESPERANZA I. CABRAL, M.D. (Sgd.)

Secretary

Cc: Asec. Ma. Lourdes P. Varona

       Correspondence Office

       Rm. 353, Mabini Hall

       Vargas Gate, Malacaang

       Manila

___________________________________________________________________

URGENT MEMORANDUM FROM THE SECRETARY

TO                  :           Director THELSA P. BIOLENA

                                    DSWD NCR Field Office

 SUBJECT       :           Complaint of Mr. Anselmo Malugao against NCR Field Office

                                    Staff  "Judith"

DATE             :           27 November 2009

This is to refer to you for immediate action, the attached letter of Assistant Secretary Ma. Lourdes P. Varona, Head Correspondence Office of the Office of the President, forwarding the email of Mr. Anselmo Malugao with regard to his complaint against "Judith" a staff of the NCR Field Office.

 Please conduct an investigation on this matter immediately and submit a feedback report on Thursday, 3 December 2009.

 Thank you.

ESPERANZA I. CABRAL, M.D. (Sgd.)

 Cc:  Mr. Anselmo Malugao

    (email address omitted)

The last thing I could say, is that, may the result of the investigation will finally give me the opportunity to avail the government's micro business assistance for the poorest in the community. As I said, I don't lost trust in our government, I know that there are still those people who are doing their best to be of service to all.

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NOTE: The said investigation brought the person whom I complained to visit my place.
                   beginning of this story
                   previous
                   the filling of application

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Unexpected message from Flickr.com

For the past few weeks, I have been seeing that name during my searches on the net. Yesterday, I saw it again, but, this time, in my email's inbox. I knew, of course, who was it - it was my niece whom I had not seen for more than ten years. No need to say, her email surprised me. Right then, I understand that a bridge for communication has been set-up. Long time ago, I intentionally cut the link between me and the people where I came from. Many years have past, still, I have not yet arrived to a point where I am ready to establish the connection again. This time, I am trapped; though, if I want to, I can still manage to escape the hard way. But considering that emotions are delicate, I will never again dare to break their hearts. The world knows better than we do; so, how can I refuse to acknowledge that this is now the time. Below is the email that I first received:

:: HOW ARE YOU!

HELLO,

WE MISS YOU A LOT!

SPECIALLY UYANG,

SHE WAS SO HAPPY UPON HEARING, FROM ME THAT YOU ARE STILL

ALIVE. HEHEHEHE,

YOU CAN CONTACT PAPA @ (number deleted)

OR YOU CAN EVEN TOUCH YOUR MOTHER, BUT THE PROBLEM IS I

DON'T KNOW HER NUMBER!

REALLY GREAT AND HI-TECH TODAY.........

TAKE CARE.

AND NICE TO HEAR YOU BACK................

The following day, I sent my niece this long letter:

Hi (...),

I am so sorry, my message yesterday was so short; I can't stay long online since I am using the free Internet service of Quezon City Public Library. But, anyway, one-hour free access is surely better than nothing. Writing this email you are reading now consumes time, so I first typed them using my computer; in this way, I have ample time to think what I am going to say.

Well, I was really shock to see your name in my inbox. Then, I told myself, Oh! I was finally found. You see! The world is really just a small place.

Lots of interesting things have been happening in my life. And for that length of time that I have not made any communication to you all out there, I know, you too have unique experiences to tell.

For half a year now, I have already shifted my language to English. This is in preparation of my planned promotion of my projects. How glad I am to be so successful in changing my language. Even though, for the first few days I felt a little bit awkward about it. For the reason that I am living here in Manila, there are still times that I have to talk in Tagalog for convenience like when I am having a conversation with people who have difficulty understanding English and in situations where Tagalog is more appropriate. Anyway, my purpose is not to unlearn the Pilipino language for I am a Filipino, but just to have a better grasp of spoken English. This is not the place to talk lengthily about myself. You can better understand me and know what's on my mind, if you will visit my blogs at http://mindsecrethaven.blogspot.com; that is, if you have not been there yet.

It is not surprising that those who were just kids when I left Labason, they are grown up now; having faces I may not recognize anymore. The same thing is true with me; when you will see me, you might not think that it's me.

So, what's up! How's your father and mother? Still engage in business? And what about your sister too? Have you finished your studies? And, where are you working now? Tell me something.

And please tell my other brothers, Yoyo and Ingko and their families that I wish them well. And of course to my Nanay Maria, I hope soon I can see her. So also with Anang and Manoy Fredo, tell them that I still remember them.

Labason is a nice place: not much pollution and where people are living closer to Nature. My mind is full of enjoyable memories of my childhood days away from the chaos of society. No doubt, Labason may not be the same place I had known before; like people they changed too with the passing of time.

I have challenging projects in front of me; these projects are very important that with or without money, I still have to push on ahead. When I can already establish my projects, I will surely visit the place where I came from to see and reunite with the people who are dear to me.

I have problem with my cell phone, for some months now. I don't know when I can have it fixed. I will send Manong a text message when it's working already, but it will take long. My number is (632)912-711-5120.

 I want to see my mother's picture. Can you please ask it for me. Send her picture via email. I will be waiting.

ANSELMO MALUGAO

A Loophole of the 1983-84 Philippine National College Entrance Examination (NCEE)

Being doubtful that I could continue my studies up to college, I wasn't so attentive anymore with my studies during my last year in high school. And the environment where I lived too didn't evoke much desire for higher studies. Though I always wanted to become a professional (an engineer), but the longing at that time wasn't strong enough to fan the fire. So, that was it; I was living a kind of care-free life.

Whe I was told about the coming College Entrance Examination, no need to say, I wasn't excited or worried about it. For me, whatever the result, doesn't matter to me.

Preparations were made for that said examination. And it took them some weeks, even a month perhaps before the annoying review sessions finally ended. I knew it wasn't so easy attending the rewiew classes, since I attended one time just to know how to fill up the forms, but I skipped the rest. Well, I had a plan already. Would I be successful? Let us see.

Rumors had spread of the kind of machine that was going to be used for the checking of the test papers. Various ideas came out on how to deceive it; like creating a slight dent with a pointed instrument on all the unchosen items. In this examination, we are required to blacken our choices with a pencil, once in each question. Choosing more than one answer would eventually lead to a disqualification or a negative rating, we were told.

Because I was into experimentation, I didn't heed the warning -- I wasn't really intimidated. So what if I got a negative marking, I reasoned.

Then, the examination came. I had a pretty bright idea: the first and the last 20 or so items I selected them just once, as the rule dictated. The rest (aside from those easy ones, which I selected also just once -- and there were lots of them), mostly, I would blacken three out of the five choices. For those difficult and time consuming questions, I completely blackened them all; so wherever the answer would happen to fall into I would still got it.

Before the classes ended that year, we had the results. And miracolously, I passed. I got 83% rating instead of a good for nothing negative.

In my school days, customarily, I was so honest that I would even prefer to submit my paper unanswered in times when I wasn't able to study my lessons. Though, it occurred really rare. Back then and until now, it was my first time to cheat. If I was caught then, I could never have travelled farther than the close neigbooring towns in my province; for it turned out that I would be going to have a scholarship loan from the government during the time of the late President, Corazon C. Aquino; and passing the NCEE was one of the requirements. That NCEE result had propelled me to travel and study college even just to witness the horrors of my life: a nightmare that once I didn't want to recall. I am only fortunate that now I already understand what my life is all about.

Though I don't think the possibility of such a machine to be existing today, but if it is, the Department of Education should look into its flaws. The said machine is vulnerable to praud.

Home but not a house

Home but not a house
Originally uploaded by anselmo B. malugao

The painting on the right shows my home during my stay on the streets. My story in this place fascinates me; because here, an occurrence few have experienced in a lifetime (my experience of that Extreme Peace of Mind), had taken place -. A waiting shade is just a shade to all, but for me - it's a home. And inside it's darkened and dusty corners I found that kind of peace where I can't absolutely find anywhere I go. I journeyed to its depth scared to death of what was happening. Others may perhaps scorn of such story, though whether people will believe or not, still, the same thing is true - Genuine Peace of Mind is just within us all.

At present, the waiting shade is no more. The only way to bring the past is to recapture it, and I did it through this painting.

True to anything that is uncertain, I was nervous upon the thought that I will fail to bring the old scenery back to life. In the end, contrary to my doubts, an image pleasing to my eyes began to form. By the time I said, it's complete; I humbled myself down to whatever it is that made me paint such a painting that I can't perceive I am capable of.

My painting above is a reconstruction of the landscape in front of Manila City Hall on the year 1992 to 1995. I stayed in this park for, more or less, 5 years up inside the attic of the waiting shade seen in the painting. As you can notice, I put numbers on several places; these are the description of the numbered items:
1 - this points to a part of the ceiling where a trapdoor is located giving me entry to the inside of the attic.
2 - A huge garbage can is located here just opposite the City Hall and which is beside the wall that enclosed the Philippine Normal University's campus. For me and to almost all homeless, it means food for us. This is where I survived for the rest of my stay in the streets.
3 - this is the specific bench where in the middle of the night I was awakened by an ugly, haggard, and dirty old man who shared his home with me - the waiting shade. A detailed account of this mysterious event can be found in my soon to be publish book.

An old beggar, and a curious boy

For months, I have always seen him squatting along the circular pathway in the outsckirt of a park where I used to pass by. His head bowed and rested on his slightly bent arm supported by his left knee. With palm partially open he stayed there for hours hoping for some good hearted ones to drop some alms into his partially open palm. He is not thin, only haggard looking, accentuated by deep wrinkles over his face and greying hair. Since I am too poor in reckoning ages by simply looking at the face, I just can't tell how old is he; so, I would just roughly say, more than 80 years old. If I were him, I wouldn't do what he was doing -- it was too tiresome for me; of course not for him, because he did it.

Once, I saw a young boy bending over to talk to him; and as I was nearing them, the boy was about to leave.

The next day, I was again threading the same way. By coincidence, the old man was still on that very spot where I saw him before talking to that same boy. The boy was now sitting with his bottocks directly on the bare ground and legs stretched out. His hands were strategically placed on both sides to give him support and balance. Every now and then, he bent his right knee so he could clasp it with his hands for comfort. The boy's attention to their conversation was so intense. Sometimes inclining very close to the old man in order to hear or make his point clear perhaps.

The boy's behavior is common to a lot of us. It even reminded me of my own curiosity with the stories of matured people that I really wished back then that days woud speed up so very soon I would already become like them. And now that I am -- I found that I am indeed right of what I believed it would be.

I Am Thankful

Like in the painting below, we should be thankful and give praise to the maker of this world rather than complain all the time, for He knows what’s good for us.

Give Praise Originally uploaded by anselmo B. malugao

(Dedicated to all peace loving people) 

There were times in my life wherein my sufferings was great that I once believed life wasn't good to me. This kind of sentiment, however, is a pretty normal reaction from someone caught unprepared to face Nature's unwelcomed forces. Indeed, it was a shock after finding out that I lost what I had been working on. But as my eyes began to open up, little by little, I saw the things I had not seen before. Seeing things this way has developed in me the art of appreciating things and circumstances that are happening everyday, whatever they are. For this reason, I am very thankful. Normally, it sounds silly for such concept of reality to be felt since it is known to be confined to the realm of fairy tales and the world of the saints. But wait! You have to remember that our behavior is caused by the mind; and by changing the way we think, we are also changing the way we behave. The mind is a fleeting thing, but it doesn't mean that we can't do anything about it. In times of hardships and loneliness, don't despair, because we have the comfort we ever need. If you only dare to see and understand the minute details of everyday affairs, then you are about to recognize the helping hand of Nature is just around you. Personally, I am always seeing it these days. And I am so glad that I do. In times of turbulence, there's a haven inside the mind: a place where you can run and take shelter. This environment in which I used to take refuge is refreshing and invigorating. For this, I am equally thankful. There are plenty of things to be thankful to and, in fact, you should be thankful every minute of the day; if you do, your heart will be filled with happiness, ushering in opportunities and abundance in life. Writing my first book had led me into a hermetic-like way of living. This experience created in me the desire to communicate. So, I proceeded to speak to things I would never have spoken to. The act sounds absurd; but, it turned out that a language creates a corresponding emotion understandable to all living things -- a universal language. And, without doubt, my voice went out not in vain, for I was understood -- this too, I am thankful. And most of all, I am thankful, for now, I can always find the peace of mind that eluded me for a long time; and, once again, my life has found new direction. This is very important, because knowing what to do in one's life is LIFE itself. The above composition is a revision to the one I had written somewhere on the month of May 2009, which I eagerly called a little book, that was typed using a manual typewriter. This was intended as display for my art exhibit. The drawing I sketched on the book's cover page (of which, if I find the means, I will post it here) shows a bird in flight casting rays of light to the field down below. This carries the same thought with the painting I have just posted entitled "Peace Around the World"; only, this time, the bird doesn't emit rays of light but appeared now in a white color instead, which means the same thing -- PEACE.

What I saw in Singapore

In my life, I have never been in a city so Clean and Green as Singapore. Everywhere you go, you can't almost see a litter even in the remotest corner of the city. In some parts, the drainage is visible and very impressive -- dug so deep into the ground and left uncovered; in this way, overflow of water is minimized, and the monitoring of any blockages is optimized.

Without doubt, what I had witnesed is a sign of harwork, good management and harmony of the people within the country, considering that Singapore is composed of diverse races of people. Infact, there are four official languages in Singapore: These are Chinese, Malay, Tami, and English.

I was transported through various places via a network of trains that connect the whole Singapore together. One guy who I met there thought that Filipino's language is English, which I said "no" and proceeded to explain it to him.

My stay in Singapore was brief but very imformative. How I hope, I can see the same thing in our country, The Philippines, in the future.

Flashes of Lightning

Rain was pouring gently on the early night of October 20, 2009 making a rasping noise on the corrugated iron roof of the little space where I was lying down waiting to be lulled to sleep. Unlike other nights, the old venetian-like blind that was secured on the topmost part of the door of my room was still on its place. I should have rolled it down had I not forgotten. In bed, I saw it well, only I didn’t feel like standing up to cover the door with it. Anyway, the gate is closed and locked, so it’s all right, I thought.

From my position, I kept on looking at the door, as if I was intrigued to find something out there, but there was really nothing there – just darkness, and the continuous sound of the rain.

Minutes passed, still, I kept on looking. Out from nowhere I then heard a deafening ramble of thunder seldom to occur. It seemed things where going to split into pieces. Almost simultaneously with it, I saw framed by the door, a splash of pure white light – really super white light – with no streaks of any kind, just entirely white all over. It was not a blinding light, because I was able to look at it intently. Outside, everything was covered with that light – no trees nor structures or whatever – just the light itself. It didn’t stay long, but just died away in a few seconds. The sight didn’t cause me to tremble; I remained calm – though I was wondering about it.

My short Bio

I am a Filipino. I was born in the island of Bohol, Philippines, but I grew up in the province of Zamboanga del Norte, Mindanao. I sufferd a lot of failures in my life; then, I took it quite seriously; making me  a living-dead roaming around the streets of Manila for more than five years.

Now, it seemed that I understand why it happened to me when I found the much coveted Peace of Mind that I won't surely encounter had I succeeded with my plans before.

I studied Bachelor of Science in Electronics and Communication Engineering. While I was living as a tramp, I passed a college entrance examination and found myself pursuing music study.  Years later, at the same time, I would be learning how to write computer programs, being a student of International Correspondence School ( ICS), and doing baking -- rolling and shaping those delicious and nutritious French bread, under the roof of Virlanie Foundation, an orphanage. All of these endeavors I didn't succeed -- it didn't lead me anywhere. Even though that was the case, my experiences, however, gave me so much lessons to learn from.

Now, I am very happy that at last! I am able to start life anew equipped with my new knowledge, new insights, and vast experiences to help me push through life and succeed. But not only that, what is most rewarding is sharing my experiences and knowledge to the world, and that's exactly the reason why I have created this blogging site. I only hope that you too will find my blogs heart-warming and, hopefully, they will give you encouragement to pursue your own dreams too.

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Related topic: A quick look into my past

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Hey! What's up!

DEAR ERIC,

Hey, what's up!
It's, more or less, 11 years since I
last saw you. And in that length of time my view in life has changed
a lot, and I'm glad it's for the better and not the other way around.
My experiences and learning have something to do this. I have seen
people, though few, who seemed to be contented with their lot in
life, and I am wondering before why I was not; even in a situation
where others would have been happy with it. I could never have
explained the reason behind it, if I have not known the spirit of
happiness and contentment I have experienced nowadays. I am greatly
fascinated with my own life – a life that I can't steer towards my
own desired direction. Everyone of us have experiences in varying
degrees of Nature's interference with our plans. Their impact on our
lives will determine whether we will be encouraged or discouraged
with the unfolding of events.

Personally, with all the confusion in
my life, I learned the Art of not fighting – but to go with the
flow of circumstances in complete submission. This technique is not a
new one, I heard it many times; though, only by doing it that you
will know its effectiveness.

Looking back years ago, it is like a
dream that I was once baking European breads, and you are my teacher.
Baking is a good job, only that I was searching for something else
that I really didn't know what was it at that time. Well, then, I was
like a fool going after for this "I-don't-know-what-is-it" thing.
Anyway, acting by intuition I just went through the process, even
though I thought that perhaps I am just wasting my time. Talking
about time, I had already wasted so much of my seemingly precious
time just by living on the streets for more than 5 years – so why
hurry! I thought.

One day, it just happened that I
recognized and experienced something wonderful that I just couldn't
set it aside as nonsense, and I perceived it as my "calling."
Eventually, the experience had led me to write a book in the most
unlikely time. It was then followed with other projects. And I know,
there are still more to come.

Presently, I am now promoting my
projects to the public. For convenience, I set up blogs; you can view
them at http://mindsecrethaven.blogspot.com.
This email will also be posted under the blog "Here is a tale to
tell." The title is "Hey, what's up!"

I know that you too have very exciting
experiences, since you traveled a lot. Pascal told me, you are
currently living in Australia. It's not surprising that you are doing
great there, as Pascal told me, because you are a master baker.

I am always delighted with the idea of touring to some distant places. That's why, I was overwhelmed with joy when I thought I could go to France before -- many attempts had been made, but all failed. There's a heart-warming saying that says, "Everything has a purpose"; perhaps, it's true, and my failure could have been a scheme for me to do something else. Because I could never have discovered myself had I travelled to France long time ago. I trust that I found already what I have been searching for in my life. The next step is share -- I want to travel far and wide to let people know what I knew. With the success of my writings, paintings and lectures -- my projects -- my cravings to see new things and meet people to share my experiences with would be a wholly different experiences that I will treasure.

Two years ago, I have flown to
Singapore once. It was a-week visit, and my first time to be out of
my country (The Philippines) – too ignorant hah! The difference was
so striking. Their refined culture must have instilled in them the
value of self-discipline: in work and environmental issues like
cleanliness. And I just can't believe what I saw – full of greenery
and tress! Everywhere!

For me, life is always strange, a
living proof that SOMEONE is behind the motion of things.

WISHING YOU ALL THE BEST!
ANSELMO MALUGAO

A sign? Or simply a coincidence

I don't know if you believe in Signs or Messages from Nature. For me, I think they exist, for how can Nature communicate with us without them. In fact, they always happen everyday like when branches of trees swayed swiftly to and fro is a sign telling us that its windy out there. You may or may not experience any kind of sign, but I guess for the most of us -- we have.

Just recently, I learned something that made me wonder the reason why I was directed to this place I am staying now.

I called the place a warehouse. This was once where surplus cars from Korea had been housed, repaired, painted, and displayed ready for sell. When I arrived here that business was halted due to the ban imposed by the Philippine government, as what I heard. Because of this, the owner shifted to importing surplus automotive spare parts from Japan. This kind of business didn't flourish too. Eventually, my boss moved to another location, luckily I managed to remain with the permission of the owner of the property. When I arrived in this place, I was already into the study of the French language on my own. Later by necessity, I studied a little of Japanese characters for me to understand my Japanese computers; then, to book writing, website creation, and etc., as new ideas came to my attention.

By the time I was already busy organizing my Art Exhibit and other projects, my co-worker before, an old man, who had been working ahead of me in that same place and company as the surplus shop, mentioned to me, when I told him about my experience of this profound Peace of Mind, that in that very place where I was staying he once found a little Book that gave accounts to the author's experiences of her journey to that coveted Peace of Mind. Though his accidental finding of that little book took place a long time, 6-7 years perhaps, he still remember the name of the author. Her name is Filomena Forest. The author was obviously fascinated with her experiences that she wrote that little book. She was already close to being 90 years old when she wrote that book. No need to say, the book details about her fascination on longevity.

Even if there is really no connection between the events mentioned, but I love to believe that they have real significance – for me, it makes life so interesting; because a bit of mystery surely adds lilt to one's life that believes in it.

Killer Tree

The date is Sept. 21, 2009. Today is morning, around 8:00 o’clock. I am at home cooking my food, good for the whole day. I use firewood, since I couldn’t afford yet for a more convenient one.

The first thing I do this morning is trimmed the branches of a young tree that overhangs on my neighbor’s wall, for they complained about it just yesterday. I am wondering why they acted that way, but I guess I know why:

“Years ago, there was once a huge tree inside their lot, the one that country folks believed to be inhabited with creepy creatures. The mother of this family got cancer. Medical operation was introduced to cure the disease, but it didn’t work. Obviously, desperate for a cure, they consulted a quack doctor, or herbalist to diagnose the disease. The herbalist suggested for them to cut down the tree inside their lot, which is the culprit, according to him. At first, they lied that there wasn’t such a tree in their yard. Surprisingly, the herbalist vehemently insisted its existence. Impressed with the incident they eventually cut the tree. I was there when the tree fell down. After the tree fell down, it doesn’t take too long, the mother died.

Well, even in reality, the mother will soon die, whether or not the tree is cut, but there would always be the notions that her death is caused by the cutting of the tree.”

(to be continued)        

Me and my cats under a tree

Forest!...Shrubs!…Cats!…Man! Under a tree. I turned around to the direction of the voice. By the window, above me, two little kids ( a boy and a girl) were there giggling as they looked down at me. Then they waved their hands as if so excited to see someone living at the back of their flat. To acknowledge them I waved back too. “I’ll show you something,” I said. Quickly, I glided to one corner and snatched one of my paintings. Brandishing it with my raised right arm for them to see, I asked, “ How about this painting, do you like this one?” I heard no response, but I saw them scurried off instead shouting: “Daddy! Daddy! We have a friend here! We have a friend here!”

After they were off, I didn’t wait anymore whether or not someone would appear by the window – I went inside my house under the tree.

The room that I have has already been occupied by cobwebs way up the corners closed to the roof. I don't dust them off; I like the feel of them inside my room – it looked ancient. Plants are all over in the surroundings because I hate barren places. In my lawn, there is a grown up tree, giving shade, fresh air, and food for the birds. During night time, bats, plenty of them, like to play and search for food in the tree's leafy branches. Quite often, it's my habit to stay in the darkness and watch these winged nightly creatures enjoying themselves crisscrossing the space above me.

I am situated in a quite part of town. The residents just don't like to stay outdoors. Like them, I am seldom seen outside too, since there's a lot of things to do within the confines of my place. Then only people that are always visible are those working in the Junk Shop.

In my little nook, there are non-human beings who co-habit with me:There are two frogs (the older one is already a huge) that snuggles in the corner behind a sizable wooded box where I used to store my belongings. The first time I heard that croak – a loud, deep, gurgling sound – I was shaken by it. Later, I came to live with it already. Very rare that I saw these creatures outside; they prefer to hide themselves out of sight. One time, I was shocked, but excited to see one sitting by the door that I had to greet him “hello” as I passed. My voice was not a strange one; I am now learning to talk with anything, including myself – and, it's fun.

I have cats – three of them. They are all stray cats. The oldest one has stayed with me for four years perhaps, he is old now. Unluckily, one of his eyes has caught a disease; it turns white all over. I feel pity of his condition. Years ago, when he was still much younger, he got extremely sick that he couldn't stand at all; he just lay there looking at me with that pitiful eyes; he was so thin already. I thought he would really die very soon. Taken by emotion, I went to his side and gently stroke his head, feet and cared for him like I used to show him before. I felt his body shivered a bit, surprisingly, few hours later he managed to stand up and walk staggering and meowing towards me. I just couldn't believe it! I gave him food and days later he fully regained his health.

I am fond of talking to my cats. When I shifted my language to English, perhaps they found it strange too, for the first few days as I did. I don't have lots of food to give but, at least, I have shared a little of what I have to them.

These cute little creatures are a source of comfort to me – they are my companion in this time of solitude. As I am now beginning to open myself up to people, as much as possible, I have to see to it that my cats are not neglected.

While I am writing these words, one of my cats is sitting on my lap trying playfully to grab the pen out of my hand – an act, a joy to behold.

miracle happens everyday

Things that couldn't be explained, and sometimes comes just in the right time to save our day can only be termed as Miracles. Without close observation to their existence, in our day-to-day affairs, they might not be recognized at all.

If we only give ourselves time to analyze the events each day, I am sure we can find that miracles do happen everyday.

I am sharing with you a story I wrote for the television program "Wish Ko Lang" of ABS-CBN, Channel 7, but unfortunately it didn't caught there attention. I entitled it, "Mumunting HImala sa San Diego Drive." An English translation will soon be published here in my blog.

PAUNANG SALITA

Ako po ay si Anselmo Malugao. Doon po ako ipinanganak sa lungsod ng Tagbilaran, Bohol; ngunit doon na ako lumaki sa Mindanao, sa probinsya ng Zamboanga del Norte. Dahil sa aking hangaring makapag-aral sa koleheyo narating ko ang Zamboanga City at Cebu City. At hanggang napunta ako sa Maynila noong taong 1988. Ang pangarap ko talaga ay maging isang matagumpay na Electronics Engineer; kaya nag-aral ako ng kursong Bachelor of Science in Electronics and Communication Engineering (BSECE) sa Cebu City. Sa kasamaang palad, hindi ko natapos ang kursong napili ko dahil nagkaroon ako ng problema sa mga papeles. Wala naman akong problema patungkol sa aking angking kakayahan sa pag-aaral kasi may kunti naman akong talino, ang malaki kong problema ay ang panahon. Sa buhay ko, ilang beses ko itong nakikitang sumasalungat sa aking mga binabalak at lumilikha ng kakaibang landas para sa akin. Noong una nagugulohan ako sa napakasalimoot na pangyayari sa buhay ko na hindi ko nagugustuhan at wala akong naiintindihan—kundi paghihirap; kaya nga, masamang-masama ang kalooban ko noon. Ngunit, sa banding huli, dumating din ang panahon na unti-unti ko ring nauunawaan ang lahat. Sa ngayon, ako’y may apat na po’t dalawang taong gulang na, wala pang asawa, ngunit nakapagtataka na sa halip na malungkot, nararamdaman ko tuloy ang kapayapan, sigla at malaking pag-asa sa hinaharap, na hindi ko nararanasan noon. Dati, nandoon palagi ang kabalisahan at kaba. At akala ko, nang mawala sa akin ang pangarap kong maging isang Engineer, na wala nang makapagpasaya sa akin. Ngayon ko nalalaman na mali pala ako. Nakikita ko sa ngayon ang mga bagay na aking magagawa na mapakinabangan din ng lahat. Sa buong buhay ko, ako’y naghahanap ng karunungan na makatulong sa akin. Sa tingin ko, ngayon, ito ay natatagpuan ko na. Ngunit ang pag-aaral ay isang walang katapusang proseso at ikinakagalak ko ito, dahil sa kasiyahan na naidulot nito. Ang buhay ay sadyang napakahirap unawain minsan, ngunit sa sandaling maunawaan mo ito, handa kanang makipagsapalaran at gawin ang mga bagay na gusto mong gawin—at ang tagumpay ay hindi malayo para sa ‘yo.

TALAAN NG MGA NILALAMAN

Ala-ala
Ang Pag-alis
Ang tindahan
San Diego Drive
Ang pagsusulat
Singapore
Ang kubo
Natapos ko rin



MUMUNTING HIMALA SA SAN DIEGO DRIVE
Anselmo Malugao

ALA-ALA

Mainit ang araw, ngunit ako ay nagpapatuloy sa paglalakad. Nadaanan ko ang Luneta, Lawton, hanggang nakarating ako sa may Quaipo. At doon na ako nagpaikot-ikot. Ang daming tao; may papunta dito, maypapunta doon; kahit saan; at tila walang pakialam sa paligid basta makakarating lang sa paruruunan—bagay na malaking tulong sa akin, tuwing naghahanap ako ng pangtawid–gutom. Nang makita nila akong namumulot nang makain sa daan, katulad ng tinapay na nasa kalye o nanghahalukay ng makain sa basurahan, wala akong naririnig na kahit anong salita, kundi, tingin lang sila nang tingin—di bali—yon din ang gusto ko; maganda nga, walang disturbo. Ang maruruming pagkain ay puwede narin kay sa wala.
‘Yon ang karanasan ko dati pero ngayong taong 2003 mukhang babalik na naman ako sa dati kong nakagawian. Hindi ko maiwasan ang pagmuni-muni habang ako ay nakahiga sa pangalawang palapag ng isang inaabandunang bahay; kahit butas-butas na ang sahig, dingding at atip na yero nito, ngunit maaari pang tirahan kung nanaisin. Kadalasan, dito na sinasampay ang mga nilalabhan ng mga boarders sa katabing bahay, kung saan isa rin akong boarder dati na nangungupahan sa isang maliit na kuwarto. Sa dahilang nawalan ako nang hanapbuhay, napilitan akong umalis. Noong gabi na naalaala ko yong pamumulot ko ng pagkain, nang ako ay palaboy-laboy pa sa lansangan, ay siyang maging pinakahuli kong araw sa pook na iyon.
Kukunti lang ang mga damit ko, ngunit ang dami ng libro; ang iba hindi na magkasya sa dalawang bag na inihanda ko, kahit ano pang siksik ang gawin. Paano na ‘to! sabi ko. Wala na akong magagawa iiwanan ko nalang ang iba. Pinili ko yong pinakaimportanteng mga libro at yon ang dinala ko—katulad ng dictionary. Mayro’n akong English at saka French. Gusto ko kasing pumunta sa France; noon pa:

Noong nasa mga dalawam po’t pitong taong gulang na ako (27 years old), mula sa lansangan napunta ako sa isang Bahay Ampunan. Ang founder nito ay isang French; kaya nga, maraming mga French Volunteers na tumutulong sa pag-asikaso sa mga bata. Hindi lang mga French ang nagbubuluntaryo, mayro’n ding American, Belgian, Korean, Japanese at mga local Volunteers, na ang karamihan nito ay mga estudyante ng iba-ibang university katulad ng La salle, Ateneo, at iba pa. Habang ako ay nagtatrabaho sa bakery ng ampunan, nagkaroon sana ako ng isang pagkakataon na makapagtrabaho sa France bilang panadero, naabutan lang ng malas hindi natuloy. Ang pagkakataon na yon ang lumikha ng daan upang ako ay mag-aral ng salitang French. Kahit mahirap tinitiis ko. Ngunit, dahil siguro sa aking matinding pangarap na makapunta sa abroad, pangtakip butas sa mga kapalpakan na nangyari sa akin sa mga taong nakalipas, nagkaroon nanaman ako ng panibagong pagkakataon na makarating sa France. Ang plano, mag-aaral muna ako ng “baking” sa isang baking school doon upang magkaroon ng “certificate,” ang kasunod, trabaho na. Sa mga panahon na ‘yon, ang pagpunta lang ng France ang nakikita kong paraan upang umunlad at magkaroon ng direksyon ang aking buhay, na nawala mula nang hindi ko naabot ang pangarap kong maging isang Electronics Engineer. Sumulat kasi ako noon sa Malacanang, panahon pa yon sa pamumuno ni Tita Cory. At napakasaya ko noon na nabigyan ako ng isang scholarship loan ng Department of Education Culture and Sports sa tulong ng Social Security System na s’yang funding institution sa programang tinatawag na “Study Now Pay Later Loan Program.” Kaya nga lang, ang kuwentong ito ay napakasalimuut at malungkot ang kinahantungan (Bahagi sa kuwentong ito ay nasa aklat kong “from Darkness to the Light.”). Nugunit sa bandang huli natuklasan ko rin ang mga mahalagang aral na itinuturo nito sa akin sa muli kong pagharap sa pagsubok ng buhay.


ANG PAG-ALIS

Madaling araw palang, gising na ako. Napakatahimik ang paligid; nakakalungkot isipin na aalis na ako, lalo na’t matagal narin akong naninirahan sa lugar na ‘yon. Bitbit ko na ang daladalahan ko, pero, kahit marami ang nabawas, mabigat parin. Pagbaba ko, ingat na ingat akong hindi makalikha ng anumang ingay, baka may magising pa, nakakahiya. Gusto ko, walang makakita sa aking pag-alis. Binuksan ko ang pintohan ng bahay. Paglabas ko, tingin ako sa may kaliwa at kanan, walang katao-tao ang iskinita; salamat naman, ako’y napabuntong hininga.
Wala akong kapera-pera, pero kailangan akong sumakay ng Jeepney. Ah, dali lang ‘to, sanay na ako sa ganitong pangyayari. Ayaw ko na sanang magmaka-awa, ngunit ngayon ay kailangan. Nang marating ko ang dako kung saan dumaraan ang mga Jeepney na maghahatid sa akin doon sa pupuntahan ko, may kaba ang aking dibdib; sa dahilang, matagal-tagal na ring hindi ko nagagawa ang naisipan kong gawin. Kukunti palang ang mga sasakyan na dumadaloy sa lansangan sa mga oras na iyon. Ang mga mata ko ay nakatutok sa mga signboard na nakapaskil sa may harapan ng mga Jeepney. Hinahanap ko ang katagang Muñoz. Hindi gaanong katagalan, malayo-layo palang napansin ko na ang naturang Jeepney. Nang papalapit na ito, ang una kong tinitingnan ay ang mukha ng driver: Kung may kaastigan hinahayaan kong dumaan. Nang sa tingin ko ay mabait ang driver, yon ang pinara ko. Upang maiwasan ang kahihiyang pagtatalo, nakiusap akong makikisakay dahil wala akong pambayad, at salamat naman ako ay pinagbigyan.
Mababait ang mga tao sa pinuntahan kong simbahan; pinakain ako at hinahayaang makapagpahinga sa lobby. Kahit na hindi ako natulungan patungkol sa tirahan, malaking tulong narin yong ginawa nila. Tuwing umaalis ako iniiwanan ko ang bagahe ko sa security guard ng simbahan.
Madaling hanapin ang pagkain, pero ang tirahan ay napakahirap. Sinubukan kong makiusap sa isang police station, ngunit nandoon ang pag-alala at takot sa pananalita nila; wala akong nagawa, kundi sa tabi ng kalsada o, minsan, sa tabi nang malalaking tindahan ako natutulog. Halos ayaw kong matulog sa pag-alalang may biglang sasaksak sa akin, baka hindi na tuloy ako makapag-abroad.



ANG TINDAHAN

Ngayon, maytakot ako sa sarili, dahil maypangarap ako, noon, matagal na—wala—kaya nga, puwede na kahit anong mangyari. Mga ilang araw din akong nagpalaboy-laboy, gutom, at walang paligo. Isang araw, nanghingi ako ng pagkain sa isang maliit na kainan sa tabi ng kalsada. Isang may edad na babae ang nagbigay sa akin. Sa tingin ko, na enteresado siyang malaman kong ano ang nangyari sa akin, ba’t nagkaganon ako. Matapos kong maekuwento sa kanya ang dahilan, inalok niya akong tutulong-tulong sa tindahan upang magkaroon ng pagkain. Nang ako ay natrabaho na doon, kahit walang sahod, hindi lang ako nagkaroon ng pagkain, nagkaroon din ako ng tulugan. Karamihan kasi sa mga kustomer ay mga Jeepney driver. Gabi-gabi may mga nakaparadang mga Jeepney sa tabi ng kalsada, malapit sa tindahan; doon ako natutulog. Sa araw, minsan sinasama nila akong mamasada at binibigyan naman ako ng konting pera. Sa hangad kong magkaroon ng hanapbuhay, kumuha ako ng student permit sa pagmamaneho. Nanghingi ako ng konting donation sa mga kaibigan kong driver hanggang nakalikum ako ng halagang pambayad. Mabuti nalang hanggang kuha lang ako ng student permit pero hindi ko naman nagamit—hindi naman ako nag-aral mag-drive. Kung interesado talaga ako, baka driver na ako nagayon at, malamang, hindi ko sana maisipang magsulat. Ang may-ari ng tindahan ay hirap din sa kanyang negosyo; paminsan-minsan nga, walang tindang pagkain. Na-iintindihan ko naman ang paghihirap ng may-ari, kaya minsan, hindi na ako kumukuha ng pagkain sa tindahan nang libre, doon nalang ako nakikisalo sa malapit kong kakilalang mga driver.
Noong bago palang ako sa tindahan na ‘yon, akala nang karamihan kahalintulad din ako sa mga bad boys na palagi kong nakakasama. Ang mga ito ay mahilig kasing magyabang, at tawanan pang pinamamalita ang kanilang panghu-hold-up daw ng mga pasahero at iba pang mga katarantaduhang ginagawa nila. Iwan ko lang kung totoo ba ang mga pinagsasabi nila. Ngunit sa dahilan na nakita nilang mayro’n akong mga libro, at araw-araw na nag-aaral ng salitang French, doon nila napansin ang malaking kaibahan ko sa mga kaibigan ko. Sa panahon na ‘yon umaasa parin ako na makarating sa ibang bansa, kaya nga, wala akong tigil sa pag-aaral ng French. Ngunit mayro’ng isang malaking problema, kailangan akong masanay sa aktwal na pakikipag-usap. Dati, malimit akong nakikipagkuwentohan sa mga French kahit hirap ako, doon sa pinanggalingan kong Bahay Amponan. Pero ngayon hindi ko na makayanang pumunta doon, malayo kasi ‘yon, wala akong pera. Naisip ko nalang maghanap ng isang taong marunong magsalita ng French na hindi malayo sa lugar ko.
Doon sa dati kong pinag-iwanan ng mga gamit, ang alam ko, maraming mga taga-ibang bansa doon. Pupunta ako doon! yon ang naisip ko. Araw ng linggo iyon, di ko malilimutan, doon ako nakaupo sa lobby at mapasensyang naghihintay kung kailan mag-umpisa ang pulong o pagsamba. Nang may ilang minuto nalang bago magsimula ang pulong, pumasok na ako sa loob. Marami na rin ang mga nakaupo. Pina-ikot-ikot ko ang aking paningin sa loob ng silid; napansin ko, iilan lang ang taga-ibang bansa. Di bale, baka isa sa kanila ang hinahanap ko, sabi ko sa sarili. Matagal ang pulong, nakakapagod; di katulad sa katoliko, saglit lang, tapos na. Sa dahilang Linggo iyon, halos mapuno ang buong silid na may kalakihan rin. Inuunat ko yong katawan ko habang ako ay nakaupo, ang hirap talaga. Sa katagalan natapos rin. Pagkatapos ng salitang Amen, tumayo ako kaagad upang kausapin yong mga foreigner. Nagmamadali ako, baka aalis na; pero malas! Sa mga nakausap ko walang marunong. Ang una kong nakausap ay American, ang pangalawa English, mayro’n pang galing Iceland. Wala talaga ‘to, sabi ko. Ngunit saglit lang may napansin akong kakaibang itsura, itim. Ang alam ko maraming bansa doon sa Africa na French ang salita. Marunong yata ‘to, sa bi ko. Kaagad kong pinuntahan; walang hiya-hiya, sabi ko,
Excuse me Sir, my name is Anselmo; I am studying French and I am looking for someone who can speak the language. What about you Sir, can you speak French?
Ang gulat ko nang sinabi niya, “Yes I can, and I can write too.”
And do you have French books or magazines at home, dagdag ko.
“Yes I have,” sabi niya.
“Can I borrow one or two of them, I need something to read at home,” pangungulit ko.
“Ya, I will bring it”
When? tanong ko.

Yon, nakita ko rin ang hinahanap ko. Ang mama pala ay isang Ghanian. Dahil pastor pala yon, nagkaroon ako ng pag-aaral sa biblia. Noon pa, mayroon nang nag-bible study sa akin, kasamahan rin nila. Ngayon na maybagong nagtuturo na sa akin, hininto nalang yong pag-aaral na yon.
Tamang-tama rin na sa buwang iyon paparating ang container van n’ya galing sa Japan, naglalaman ng mga surplus na spare parts ng sasakyan. Upang magkaroon ako nang mapagkakikitaan tutulong-tulong nalang ako pagdating nang container van, yon ang naisip ko. Pero ang tagal dumating. Ang tindahan rin sa kasamaang palad naghihingalo na rin, palagi nalang walang tinda. Dumating ang araw na walang-wala na talaga at magsasarado na. At ang mga Jeepney diver ay doon na kumakain sa katabing tindahan. ‘Yon din ang panahon na inaasahang darating ang container van galing sa Japan. Dahil dito, sa tingin ko, malulutas ang problema ko.


SAN DIEGO DRIVE

Ang warehouse ng maging boss ko ay hindi gaanong malayo mula sa Muñoz; nilalakad ko nga lang. Ang warehouse ay nasa bandang dulo ng isang dead end na eskinitang pinapangalanang San Diego Drive. Ang nakapagtataka, ang iskinitang ito ay hindi naitala sa opisyal na mapa ng Quezon City, ang lungsod na sumaklaw nito. Ang balita, nalimutan daw ng developer ang pagrehestro ng pangalan doon sa sangay ng goberno na namamahala nito. Hindi ko maisip na ako ay magtagal dito sa loob ng limang taon, higit o kumulang. At hindi ko inaakala na dito ko matuklasan ang simpling pamamaraan upang magkaroon ng kapayapaan ang aking isipan na nagbabago sa buhay ko.
Noong una kong punta dito, naghintay muna ako sa may bungad ng iskinita malapit sa isang kainan, dahil yon ang sabi sa akin. Inaasahan na darating ang container sa gabing ‘yon. Matagal akong naghintay, pero walang dumating. Maya-maya dumating ang boss ko; sabi, hindi raw makakarating ang hinihintay namin sa gabing iyon. May mga tao ring dumating na tutulong sana sa pagbaba; paano, hindi makakarating, di, nagsiuwian ang lahat. Bago umuwi ang boss ko, tumuloy muna kami sa warehouse. May nakatira pala, isang matandang lalaki. Uuwi sana ako, pero mahirap din ang galagayan ko doon, kaya nga doon nalang ako sa warehouse natutulog, at doon narin ako tumira. Ang problema walang tubig, manghingi pa sa mga kapit-bahay. Masuwerte nalang mababait sila, binibigyan rin kami.
Mga ilang araw nalang ang nakalipas wala pa namang dumating na container, hilong-hilo na ako sa gutom; maganda nalang yong matanda may pamilya, umuuwi siya doon paminsan-minsan. Isang araw may dumating, kaibigan ng bossing ko, ang pangalan ay willy; may inaasikaso siya sa bahay na katabi lang ng warehouse namin. Nagkaroon kasi ng construction doon, araw-araw may mga tao na nagtatrabaho. Nang makita ang kalagayan ko ipinasok niya ako doon upang kumita rin kahit papaano. Nagkaroon tuloy ako ng pera—at na-solve ang problema.
Sa loob nang kalahating buwang paghihintay, dumating din ang container van. Ngunit, ang trabaho pala ay hindi biro; isa itong 40-footer container, na naglalaman ng mga mabibigat na bagay. Nag-umpisa kami nang alas nuwebe ng gabi, natatapos kami mga madaling araw na. Hinihingal ako sa loob ng container habang pinagtulung-tulungan naming binubuhat ang mga malalaking makina ng sasakyan. Sumasakit yong mga braso ko, lalo na yong beywang ko. Akala ko talaga susuko ako, pero natapos rin namin sa katagalan. Nang ang lahat ay naibaba na, ang warehouse ay nagmistulang isang junk shop—kalat dito kalat doon. Ang hirap pala sa trabaho dito, hindi yata ako magtatagal sa ganitong trabaho, sabi ko. Kinaumagahan yon ang pinakahirap sa lahat, masakit na masakit ang buong katawan ko; parang ayaw ko nang kumilos. Hindi naman maaaring hindi ako tutulong sa pag-aayos. Ngunit, unti-unting nawawala rin ang kirot habang sapilitang naigalaw-galaw ko ang aking katawan.
Binigyan ako ng limang daang pesos bilang suhol sa pagbaba ng mga kagamitan. Wala akong fix na sahod, kahit magkano lang ang ibinibigay; tama na ‘yon para sa akin. Marami ang bumibili ng surplus, kadalasan mga whole saler. Mga isang buwan lang yata, ubos na ang paninda. Pagkatapos wala ng trabaho, hanggang maubos nalang yong pera kong naipon. Dalawang beses lang kasi ang dating ng container, o kung minamalas-malas isang beses lang isang taon. Nakakatulong din ang bigas na paminsan-minsanang ibinibigay ng bossing namin sa panahon na walang ginagawa. Ngunit masaya ako dahil araw-araw akong nakapag-aaral ng French. At kasabay nito, nagsasaliksik ako ng mga pamamaraan upang umunlad sa tulong nang ating isipan. Noon pa, nakapagbasa na ako ng mga bagay-bagay patungkol sa isipan. Elementary pa ako noon, sa probinsya ng Zamboanga del Norte, malimit akong dumaan sa isang bahay na sementado. Upang magkaroon siguro ng libangan ang may-ari, ang harapan nito ay ginawa nilang tindahan. Tuwing bibili ako, nakikita ko ang daming libro na nakahilira sa dingding ng isang silid sa may looban. Kilalang-kilala ko ang matandang lalaki na madalas kong nakikitang nagbabantay sa tindahan. Isang araw naisipan kong manghiram ng libro. Nang sinabihan ko ang matanda, pinahiram naman ako. Pagpasok ko, ako’y nagulat; hindi ko akalain na ganoon ka raming libro ang makikita ko sa loob ng silid na ‘yon. Hindi pa ako nakakita nang gano’ng karaming babasahin. Tao paba kaya ang nakatira dito? tanong ko sa sarili. Ang karamihan sa mga aklat ay malalaki at makakapal. Tanong ng matanda sa akin,
“Anong topic ang gusto mo?”
Nahihirapan akong sumagot. Sa isip-isip ko, Ano kaya!
Sabi ko nalang, Kahit ano!
“Ano, gusto mo nang, tungkol sa isipan, ESP.” At pinaliwanag niya sa aking kung ano ‘yon, sabay hugot ng naturang libro sa kanyang maayos na pagkasalansan mula sa isang hilira ng mga aklat.
“Katulad ng aso ko, kinakausap ko ‘yan sa pamamagitan ng ESP paminsan-minsan,” sabi niya sa akin.
Sigi, ‘yan nalang.
Nang ito ay naibigay na sa akin, ang bilis kong umuwi at binasa ko kaagad-agad ang aklat. Kinabukasan, Ano kaya kung susbukan ko! Tamang-tama ang Nanay ko ay namamalengke, walang ibang tao sa bahay—patay na kasi ang tatay ko, maliit pa ako noon, at ang mga nakakatandang kapatid ko, ako kasi ang bunso, yong isa palaging wala sa bahay at yong dalawa naman ay may kanya-kanyang asawa na. Doon ako sa sulok ng bahay at parang gagong sinusunod yong binabanggit sa libro. Di bale subok man lang. Sabi ko sa isipan ko, Nay! bili ka nga ng tinapay. Yon lang ang naisip ko.
Hindi naglaon dumating ang Nanay ko mula sa palengke. Ano kaya, may dala kayang tinapay? Para namang wala. Mayamaya, ang laking gulat ko ng inabot niya sa akin ang isang plastic na may lamang mga tinapay. Hindi ako makapaniwala, napaka-imposible naman. Baka nagkakataon lang. Ayaw ko talagang maniwala, sinubukan ko ulit, hindi na nagkatotoo. Isang coincidence lang pala ‘yon, sabi ko.
Wala gaanong babasahin doon sa probinsya namin, kaya nga masuwerte ako ngayon na ang tinitirahan kong warehouse ay malapit sa mga Bookstore at malalaking mga Mall na nakapagbigay sa akin ng impormasyon at inspirasyon. Sa mga panahong ito, nakapag-ipon na ako ng mga karunungan patungkol sa isipan. Ngunit ang aking mga karanasan ay nagpapahiwatig na ang mga pamamaraan na aking nabuo ay hindi pa sapat na masasabi kong natagpuan ko na ang aking hinahanap.
Dati, naka-ugalian ko na ang pag-ehersisyo, kaya nga sa tuwing may panahon ako pumupunta ako sa Quezon Circle upang mangdya-jogging. At madalas rin akong nakikisali sa isang Chinese exercise na palagi kong nakikita noon ngunit hindi ko lang nabigyan ng pansin. Katulad ng ibang mga pamamaran nagdulot din ito ng magandang epekto sa katawan. Ganito ang aking pagsasaliksik, sinusubukan ko ang iba-ibang mga pamamaraan katulad ng yoga—ang kuwentong ito ay mababasa sa aklat na isinulat ko (from Darkness to the Light). Ang isa sa napakaganda ngunit nakakikilabot na karanasan ko tungkol sa isipan nangyari noong nasa lansangan pa ako, at nakatira sa loob ng isang kesami ng isang waiting shade sa harapan ng Manila City Hall—ang buong kuwentong ito ay matutunghayan sa aking aklat na pinamagatang “from Darkness to the Light.” Doon ko naranasan ang “tunay na kahulugan ng salitang kapayapaan” na hinding-hindi ko matatagpuan kahit saang dako ako pumaroon. Parang ako ay lumulutang-lutang sa isang mundong walang lungkot at kabalisahan—napakaganda! Subalit, sa mga panahong iyon wala akong tamang pamamaraan upang madama ang ganong kalagayan sa anong oras na gusto ko. Sa katagalan kong pagsusumikap na matutunan ang tamang pamamaran, natuntunan ko rin ito. Ang kapayapaan sa isipan ay nagdulot sa akin ng sigasig sa buhay at pag-asa ng isang magandang hinaharap. Hindi lang ang pananaw ko sa buhay ang nagkaroon ng pagbabago pati narin ang aking kalusugan. Nawawala ang matinding pananakit ng aking katawan tuwing magkaroon kami ng trabaho sa warehouse. Isang bagay na hindi ko akalain na mangyayari—ang kuwentong ito ay nasa aklat kong “from Darkness to the Light.”


ANG PAG-SUSULAT

Dahil sa napakagandang karanasan ko sa aking nabuong napakasimpleng technique, naisipan kong gumawa ng aklat. Gusto ko na ring magkaroon ng isang panibagong hanapbuhay. Ngunit, parang imposible ang iniisip ko, wala akong magagamit sa pagsusulat, kailangan ko ng computer, saan ako kukuha ng pambili. Sa pagkakataong ito, dito ko napapansin ang mga mumunting himala sa buhay ko, na maaaring nangyari noon ngunit hindi ko lang naalintana.
Mula ng ma-isipan kong magsulat at naghahangad na magkaroon ng computer, mga ilang araw lang may nagpapahiram sa akin ng isang laptop computer; may virus ito, ngunit, gumagana pa. Kahit may virus, ginamit ko ito at inumpisahan ko kaagad ang pagsusulat. Pero malas, mga dalawang linggo lang, nasira din ito. Nngunit tuloy parin ako; papel at ballpen na ang gamit ko; ang hirap, daming bura-bura.
Mga ilang araw ang lumipas, napadaan yong isang teenager na batang lalaki, kapitbahay namin. Tungkol sa computer ang napag-usapan namin. “S’yanga pala, mayroon akong computer, sandali lang ha kukunin ko,” sabi niya. Ilang saglit lang, bumalik siya, dala na yong computer at inabot sa akin upang matingnan.
Tingnan mo nga ‘to kung gumagana pa ba!
Tamang-tama may step-down transformer ako na puwede sa 110 at 100 volts. Isa palang lumang model na Japanese word processor ang nabili niya. Pag-switch ko ng on lumiwanag yong screen at mga Japanese characters yong nakita namin. Sinubukan namin na makapagsulat ito nang English pero hindi namin malaman kung paano. Kaya sabi nalang niya, “Sa’yo muna ‘to, hindi ko naman ginagamit.” Tuwang-tuwa ako, baka magawa’n ko nang paraan.
Pinag-aralan ko ‘yon, araw-araw, hanggang nalaman ko halos ang lahat na functions nito. Dahil sa word processor na ‘yon, nakapag-aral tuloy ako ng salitang Japanese upang maintindihan ko kahit kunti ang mga nakasulat. Bumili ako ng mga libro at nanghalukay ako ng mga impormasyon sa Internet upang maintindihan ang mga file format na ginagamit ng Japanese.
Sa aking paghihirap, sa katagalan nagamit ko rin ang Japanese word processor sa aking pagsusulat ng aklat. Nngunit may malaking problema, ang memory nito ay napakaiksi, mga sampung pages lang bawat file. Nangangahulugan ito ng napakaraming files upang makabuo ng isang aklat, at ang pagsasaayos nito ay napakahirap at napakagulo. Wala akong magagawa kundi magt’yaga kung ano ang mayroon ako. Sa kalaunan, ibinigay na sa akin ang word processor; ayaw kasi ng mga magulang ng bata na dadalhin ito sa probinsya nila—ang laki kong pasalamat.
Habang nagsusulat ako, doon ko nalalaman na ang aking kakayahan sa pagsulat ng English ay hindi sapat. Dahil dito ako’y nagsusumikap na mag-ikot-ikot sa mga bookstore upang makahagilap ng mga kaalaman. May mga panahon na masyado akong nalulungkot sa mabagal na pag-usad ng aking proyekto. Ngunit dahil sa aking natuklasang pamamaraan napawi kaagad ito, at muli akong nagkaroon ng tapang upang magtagumpay sa aking ginagawa.


SINGAPORE

Dati, kumuha na ako ng Pasaporte. Akala ko talaga, di na magtatagal at makakaalis na ako papuntang France. Oktobre ng taong 2002 ko kinuha ang pasaporte ko. Sino bang mag-akala na ang maitatak na bansa doon ay hindi France, kundi, Singapore. Ito ay nangyari dalawang buwan bago mag-expire ang aking Pasaporte. Yon ang pinaka-unang pagkakataon na tumungtong ako sa isang eroplano. Dito, kasama ko ang aking boss na isang Ghanian. Pagkatapos lumapag ang eroplano doon sa airport ng Singapore, pumunta kami sa isang silid kung saan nakikipila kami para sa pagsisiyasat ng Pasaporte. Hindi nagtagal, ang laking gulat ko nang biglang may dumating na mga taong naka unipormi at dinala ang aking boss doon sa interogation section. Natatakot ako noon, hindi lang ako nagpapahalata; e, baka pati ako huhulihin rin. Yon, tuloy-tuloy parin ako hanggang nakapasok talaga ako. Lumakad muna ako nang lumakad; lumingon lang ako, upang tingnan kung ano na ang nangyayari, nang nandoon na ako sa malayo. Paglingon ko, tamang-tama na nakita kong itinuro ako ng bossing ko; akala ko pati ako nasabit na. Dahil doon, inaasahan ko na may dadampot na sa akin; pero, wala naman. Maya-maya natapos rin ang pagtatanong nila sa kanya, at pinapapasok na ito. Sa panahon na ‘yon hinigpitan pala ng goberno ng Singapore ang pagpasok ng mga Nigerian na wala namang sapat na dahilan upang bumisita sa bansa. Yon pala; akala ko ano na. Sa napakalinis na lungsod na ito, dito ko nakikita ang isang kapansin-pansin na pangyayari—parang masasabi nating may mga forces talaga na minsan ay gumagabay sa atin upang makita natin ang ating hinahanap.
Ang pakay namin sa Singapore ay ang pamimili ng mga kagamitan ng sasakyan. Ngunit kahit anong hanap namin mangilan-ngilan lang ang nagkaroon ng stock. Hindi masyadong mahirap maghanap ng mabibili doon sa Singapore kasi may Zoning: Kahit nga mga tindahan ng pagkain ay makikita mo sa iisang lugar, hindi watak-watak. Buong araw kaming naghanap; nakakapagod, kasi lakad ng lakad. Mabuti nalang maganda ang mga tanawin—daming mga kahoy kahit saan kami pumunta. Dahil halos walang mabibili, naisip ng boss ko na pupunta kami sa Malaysia. Pero kahit na nakikita na namin ito at napakalapit lang, magastos daw ang proseso, kasi tatawid na naman ng ibang bansa. Di inaasahan, naiwanan ko ang sapatos ko na pangtrabaho at isang T-shirt sa loob ng isang plastic bag doon sa warehouse ng isang tindahan. “Oh, I left something! Can we go back there?” sabi ko sa boss ko. Nang dumating kami upang kunin yong naiwanan ko, biglang may nakapagsabi sa bossing ko na may isang tindahan na nagtitinda sa hinahanap namin, nasa tabi lang nila. Ayon, pagpunta namin, ang dami pala doon. Dahil dito, hindi na sayang ang byahe namin.
Nang pauwi na kami, ilang ulit kaming pumara ng taxi ngunit wala namang humihinto. Nang hindi na kami naghanap at iikot na sana kami sa may kanto, bigla pa namang my huminto na isang van type na sasakyan at pinasakay kami. Tininggan ko yong boss ko, sumakay naman, di, sumakay rin ako; akala ko talaga Police yon at hinuli na kami; baka bawal pumara ng sasakyan sa lugar na yon. Nang nagkakuwentohan na, papunta sa trabaho pala yong mama; at nang makita kami na may dala-dalang bagahe naiisipan niyang ihatid kami doon sa airport, bale, sideline niya. Nakarating talaga kami ng airport hanggang sa loob ng eroplano. Ang tagal lumipad; naiinip na ako. Maya-maya may nag-anonsyo. Sabi, mayroon dawng problema, may isang parti daw ng eroplano na ayaw mag-sara; at hinihintay lang daw ang engineer. Kabado naako; e, paano na kung biglang tumirik doon sa itaas; hindi ko na talaga matatapos yong aklat ko, yon ang nasa-isipan ko. Maya-maya nag-anonsyo ulit, okey na raw ito, at iilang minuto nalang aalis na daw. Mga ilang oras lang, na sa Pinas na ako ulit, at nagpapasalamat na ako ay ligtas.
Iisa lang ang nasa isipan ko pagdating ko, ang pagsusulat ulit. Ilang beses ko nang sinasabi sa sarili na matatapos ko na ang aklat, pero nang ulitin ko na naman sa pagbasa hindi pa talaga ako kuntento. Hanggang dumating sa puntong ako’y pagod na, gusto ko nang matapos ang ginagawa ko. Nagpasya akong ibigay na ang manuscript sa isang publisher. Ang nangyari, pinadala ko ang hinihinging dalawang sample chapter at summary sa isang publisher na napili ko. Ayaw naman nila nang buong manuscript. Akala ko magustuhan nila, pagdating ng isang buwan, may natanggap akong e-mail sabi, “Sorry, we cannot publish your work. Thank you for your interest in our services.” Ang ikinadismaya ko, wala man lang binanggit na dahilan, para man lang malaman ko kung anong problema sa manuscript ko—marami ba masyado ang grammatical error na imposible ng ma-edit, o kaya ang kwento ba ay hindi maganda, o di kaya’y hindi maintindihan. Naisip ko tuloy na baka natatakot silang hindi kikita ang libro sa dahilang hindi ako kilala—di, malulugi sila. Dahilan sa sama nang loob ko, nagkaroon tuloy ako ng balak na magtayo ng sarili kong publishing company balang araw. Dapat sana nagbigay sila ng payo kung anong dapat gawin para naman maliwanagan yong gumawa. Sa mga sandaling iyon, masuwerte akong nakahiram ng isang laptop computer. Japanese nga lang ang operating system, windows 98. Ang naka install na mga software ay Japanese version lahat; kaya nga may kahirapan. Kung pagsulat lang ang pag-usapan sapat na ang laptop na ‘to. Nag-aaral-aral pa kasi akong gumawa ng website. Napunta tuloy ako sa HTML, CSS at iba pang mga programming languages na ginagamit sa web. Pagkatapos, nagdo-drawing pa ako sa computer, Paint nga lang ang ginagamit ko. Nag-aral din akong gumawa ng presentation ko sa Power Point. Ang pagnanasa kong matuto ay nabigyan ng kunting daan dahilan sa laptop; kahit na nagrereklamo ito paminsan-minsan, sabi n’ya “wala ng memory.” Napakaliit ang memory nito, 48 mega bytes lang at ang clock speed ng processor ay 166 mhz lang, napakabagal. At ang petsa nito ay bumabalik na sa petsa noong ito ay ginawa, noong taong 1999. Napag-alaman ko na dahil ito sa nauubusan na ng battery ang BIOS. Pero walang problema para sa akin, basta gumagana siya, okey na, pansamantala.
Ang pagpoporsige kong matutong gumamit ng computer habang nagtatrabho ako nang kahit anong manual labor ay malaking tulong sa aking mga project ngayon; dahil ako na ang nagde-design ng cover at pati page lay-out ng aklat ko.
Araw-araw, mula umaga hanggang hapon akong nagtatrabaho, ini-edit ko nang ini-edit ang manuscript sa hiram kong laptop. Dito ko napansin na marami palang mali. Ang nagpapahiram sa akin ng laptop na ito ay isang kaibigan ko na nagtatrabo sa isang Japan surplus na tindahan, na ang may-ari ay kakilala ko rin. Dahil pinapahiram ako, tinuturuan ko rin siyang gumamit ng computer. Isang araw pumunta nalang yong may-ari sa warehouse at sinabihan akong h’wag ibigay sa kanila ang laptop na nasa akin kung kunin nila, pinalayas na raw niya ang mga iyon; may ginawa daw na hindi maganda. Napakagulo ang panahon na yon. Pati ako nadamay, nagkaroon nang suspetsa yong isang kamag-anak ng may-ari na kakunsabo ako. Hindi nalang ako umimik upang hindi lalaki. Kaya malaking pasasalamat ko nang ibinigay na talaga ng may-ari ang laptop sa akin. Hindi ko talaga sukat akalain na mapunta sa akin ang laptop sa ganoong kagulong proseso. Pero kahit gano’n ang nangyari nagpapasalamat parin ako sa kaibigan ko, na siyang naging tulay upang mayroon akong magamit sa aking pagsusulat.
Ang pang-apat na taon ko sa warehouse ang pinakamahirap, halos wala ng trabaho, di wala naring pera. At hindi ko pa matapos-tapos ang aklat. Paano na ‘to, sabi ko. Binabalak ko nang mag conduct ng lectures tungkol sa technique na aking natuklasan. Ang malaking hadlang, wala na man akong perang pangtustos; halos nga wala akong makain. Imposible yata, sa tingin ko. Mayroon na akong nai-design na brochure, pero hanggang doon lang, wala pa akong lakas na loob upang isakatuparan ito. Hanggang dumating nalang ang pagkakataon na lilipat na nang puwesto ang aking boss; magtitinda daw muna ng mga air-con compressor at alternator. Ito’y hindi ko nagustuhan, paano nalang yong ginagawa kong aklat; sigurado, hindi na matatapos ito kung nagbabantay na ako ng tindahan; part time puwede; ngunit ayaw naman ng boss ko na ganoon. Wala akong nagawa, humihiwalay na ako sa kanila. Kahit anong mangyayari, tatapusin ko ang aklat! yon ang madiing sabi ko sa sarili. Noong binitawan na ang warehouse, maganda naman, mabait ang may-ari at hindi ako pinapaalis. Wala na akong problema sa tirahan, pagkain na lang.
Ang San Diego Drive ay tahimik na pook—parang probinsya. Sa bandang kanan at kaliwa nito ay subdivision, kaya nagmukha rin itong subdivision. Sa paligid ay may mga punong kahoy na maganda sa paningin at talbos ng kamote na pang-ulam. Dahil alam naman sa mga nakatira dito ang kalagayan ko, paminsan-minsan may natatanggap akong mga pagkain galing sa mga kapitbahay, na ikinakatuwa ko rin. Lalung-lalo na yong hilong-hilo na ako sa kako-computer ngunit wala pa akong kinakain, pagkatapos, bigla nalang may tatawag sa akin at may dala-dalang pagkain—ang laki talaga ng pasasalamat ko Naiisip ko kaagad na blessing yon galing sa itaas. Minsan rin, nagkakaroon ako ng pera sa tuwing mayro’ng nagpapatulong sa pagbubuhat o may-ipinapagawang kahit anu-ano; malaking tulong na rin yon.
Isang araw, naiinis na ako sa kakapusan ng memory ng computer ko; tuwing nauubos na ang kanyang tinatawag na “resources” kailangan ko pa kasing i-restart ito upang gumana ulit. At sa dahilang natatakot akong masisira, kadalasan hindi ko na ire-restart, pinapatay ko nalang; kinabukasan nalang ako magtatrabaho ulit. Malaking abala talaga, nagmamadali pa naman ako. Alam ko na memory ang problema, di yon ang pinalitan ko. Ngunit, hindi naman gumana, e, di binalik ko nalang yon dati niyang memory. Pagbukas ko ulit ng computer, hindi na ito naglo-load ng Windows. Doon ako nag-alala: paano na yong mga files ko, may mga malalaking files kasi na hindi ko mai-save sa diskette. Ang naisip ko kaagad, PERA—saan ako kukuha ng pera. Tumakbo ako sa pinakamalapit na kapitbahay upang manghiram, pero isang daan lang ang maibigay; e, tinanggap ko rin, pandagdag. Kahit wala akong pera, dinala ko ang laptop sa repair shop. Sabi sa computer technician na-corrupt daw; kailangang i-reformat daw ang hard disk. Pumayag nalang ako, basta maayos lang. Siningil ako ng 1,500 pesos. Kinabukasan, nagbabasakali akong makahiram ng pera sa isa kong kapitbahay na negosyante. Para akong nawalan ng tinik ng pinahiram ako sa halagang kinakailangan ko.
Nakatulong yata ang pagbanggit ko sa technician na nagsusulat ako ng isang aklat, dahil, pagbalik ko sinabihan ako na nagawa’n raw ng paraan. Wala dawng nagalaw kahit isang file. Malaki talaga ang pasasalamat ko; akala ko nabura na ang lahat na files sa hard disk. Isang libo nalang ang singil, sa halip na 1,500. At nagtanong narin ako sa computer technician kong paano mailipat ang isang malaking file papuntang diskette. Doon ko nalaman ang isang file compression software na puwedeng makapaglipat ng isang malaking file papuntang diskette sa isang pamamaraang tinawag na “disk spanning.” Unti-unting nalulutas yong mga suliranin ko, malaki talaga ang pasasalamat ko.
Maliban sa lupa na tinatayuan ng warehouse, ang may-ari ay may dalawa pang puwesto katabi lang ng warehouse, at pinapaupahin rin. Ngayon, may kaibigan ang dati kong bossing na gustong mangungupahan sa dalawang puwesto na yon, enkaso yong isang puwesto maghintay pa ng isang buwan bago mabakante. Dahil dito sumang-ayon ang may-ari na gagamitin ang warehouse na tinitirahan ko pansamantala, hanggang mabakante ang naturang puwesto. Noong una, maganda ang relasyon namin. Natutuwa rin ako na dumating siya, kahit papaano nagkaroon ako ng pagkain. Alam naman niya na hindi ako sa lahat na oras na makakatulong sa kanila dahil sa ginagawa ko.
Ang negosyo niya ay buy and sell daw ng sasakyan. Sa tingin ko parang mabait naman. Isang araw, nagkakuwentohan kami tungkol sa aklat; nang malaman niyang tungkol ito sa isang napaka simpling pamamaraan upang magkaroon ng kapayapaan ang isipan, sabi niya kaagad sa akin, “Turuan mo nga ako kung paano.” Hintayin mo nalang kung matapos ang aklat, malaman mo na yon, pangangatuwiran ko. Sabi pa naman, “Pahihirapan mo pa ako sa kababasa; ngayon na; o, papaano ba?” Tumawa lang ako; kasi, ang tao kung gusto talagang matuto ay magt’yaga. Hindi naman s’ya seryoso.
Isang beses may kaibigan akong, nag-alok sa kanya ng telivision, cd player, at power range, yong panghila. Kinuha n’ya lahat ‘yon, ngunit saka na ang bayad. Iilang balik nalang yong kaibigan ko wala pa ring ibinigay na pera. E dahil ako ang kakilala, ako ang palaging pinagsabihan. Sa katagalan, sapilitan naming kinuha yong mga gamit; ngunit, ang tagal bago naibigay ang mga ito. Kahit na wala siyang sinasabi sa akin noon, alam kong nagagalit siya sa akin dahil sa nangyayari. Pero tinutulongan ko lang yong may-ari; nagbibinta nga kasi walang pera, hindi pa babayaran, di, kunin na lang.
Sa warehouse may iniwanang apat na telivision, secondhand, galing Australia. (Ang may ari ng mga ito ay kaibigan ng dati kong boss.) Pati ito gustong kukunin, kaya nga nanghiram siya ng 110 volts na transformer sa akin, upang mai-testing ito. (Ngunit, ang katutuhanan hindi na kailangan ng transformer ang telivision, dahil 240 volts ito.) Sa dahilang hindi ko naisip na 240 volts pala ito, hindi ko siya pinahiram kasi mataas ang wattage ng telivision na siguradong hindi makayanan ng transformer ko. Dito na niya nailabas ang lahat na galit sa akin. Hindi daw talaga ako magpapahiram. Sinabi ko na sa kanya ang dahilan, ayaw namang makinig. Hindi naabutan ng isang linggo, pinaalis niya ako sa warehouse. Nanghingi ako nang isang linggo upang makahanap nang malipatan, pero hindi pumayag. Tumawag ako sa may-ari, nagkakataon ding nandoon sa probinsya. Sa simula, nanghingi muna ako nang tulong sa mga kapitbahay baka may maitulong sila. E, wala naman. “Maaari namang d’yan ka muna sa bahay-kubo na nasa bakanteng lote,” payo sa akin ng isang kapitbhay. Oo nga pala ano, sabi ko.


ANG KUBO

Bago nangyari yong pagpapaalis sa akin, may nagbalita sa akin na nabunggo daw ang matanda na nakatira sa may bakanteng lote. Sayang, kakaumpisa lang niya sa bagong trabaho n’ya—nabangga pa. Pinapapunta sa hospital ang dalawang kasamahan niya sa trabaho upang madalaw ito, dala ang sasakyan nila; sumama narin ako. Maganda nalang hindi napuruhan. Nang makarating kami, tuwang-tuwa ito nang makita kami.
Noong pinaalis ako, tamang-tama wala pa ang matanda; kaya nga, lumipat ako sa kubo kinabukasan. Inaayos ko ito hanggang maaliwalas na nang konti sa paningin. Kinaumagahan, hindi ko inaasahan, dumating ang matanda. Siguradong nagulat din siya nang makita ako sa bahay niya. Isinalaysay ko ang pangyayari, upang maintindihan niya. “Habang nag-aayos pala ako sa hospital kahapon, inihanda mo pala ang bahay,” pabirong sabi niya. Dati kong kasama sa trabaho ang matandang ito. Nagkahiwalay lang kami nang pinaalis siya ng boss namin. Dati, nagkaroon kami ng alitan, sigawan talaga; at hinahamon pa nga ako ng suntukan; maganda nalang hindi ako masyadong nagalit. Patindi nang patindi ang aming alitan. Isang araw nga, malapit ko na siyang mahataw ng isang dos por dos na kahoy. Dahil dito, hindi kami nag-imikan, hanggang napaalis siya. Hindi naman siya umuwi sa kanila, nagtayo tuloy siya nang kubo sa bakanteng lote na nasa harapan lang ng warehouse. Paglipas ng mga taon, unti-unti na rin kaming nagkaka-usap-usap. Hindi nalang namin pinagkukuwentohan ang mga nangyayari dati. Kung hindi dahil sa kubo na yon marahil, wala na ako sa pook na iyon, na tinatawag nilang San Diego Drive. Kasi, malamang na hindi ko naman siguro maisipan na magtayo ng kubo doon. Ngayon na nagkasama-sama kami ulit, sinabihan niya akong magkanya-kanya kami, kung gusto kong manatili sa kubo na iyon. E, maganda nalang na naunawaan ko yon; kaya nga hindi kami nagkaroon ng problema.
Nang tinawagan ang may-ari ng warehouse doon sa probinsya, nalaman na wala pala sa usapan nila na p’wede akong paalisin. E, paano nakalipat na ako, di na lang ako bumalik; hinihintay ko nalang ang pagdating nang may-ari, kung ano ang mangyayari. Ang masalimuut na pangyayaring ito ay nagbigay hadlang sa pagsusulat ko, wala akong magagamit na kuryente. Paminsan-minsan nakikigamit ako ng kuryente sa mga kapitbahay, ngunit sandali lang. Ang tinutukan ko nalang ng pansin ay ang pang-aaral ng tamang pamamaran sa pagsulat ng English at mga guidelines ng punctuation marks na napaka-importante. Araw-araw akong nagbabasa, ang hirap, ngunit, kailangan kong gawin.
Sa mga buwan na ‘yon, tatlong bahay ang sabay sabay na isinaayos, ang isa nito ay isang opisina. Nagkaroon kami ng maraming panggatong, na minsan ay mahirap hanapin. At iniligpit ko ang hindi na nila kinakailangang mga bagay-bagay katulad nang yero, flywood, kahoy at iba pa na magagamit ko pa.
Madalas kaming mabigyan ng pagkain ng mga kapit-bahay. Katulad noong nagkaroon ng bagyo: Araw at gabi, ang lakas ng hangin at ulan; ang hirap magsaing sa gano’ng panahon. Kung hindi yon titigil, kahit sandali, maaaring magugutuman kami. Nang pansamantalang tumigil ang ulan, narinig ko nalang ang sigaw ng isang kapit-bahay namin mula sa bintana sa pangalawang palapag; at pinapapunta ako sa gate. Nang nandoon na ako, binuksan ang gate at inabot sa akin ang isang malaking plato na punong-puno ng kanin at pansit. Tuwang-tuwa ako noon na tumakbo pabalik sa kubo at doon hinatian ko ang matanda sa dala-dala ko.

Samantala, ang mga inaasahan sa taong nagpapaalis sa akin ay hindi nagkatutuo, dalawang buwan lang, napaalis na siya, dahil sa pag-esyo ng isang bouncing check. Bago siya tuluyang umalis, nagkaroon kami ng matinding away na halos humantong san suntokan. Malaki siya, ako payat, pero hindi ako uurong. Ito ay dahilan sa electric bill na alam kong hindi na niya binabayaran, na nakapangalan pa sa dati kong boss. Ako kasi ang nakatanggap ng bill, kaya nga binuksan ko kaagad upang malaman namin kung magkano ang inabot. Doon namin nalaman na umabot na ito ng tatlong libo. Galit na galit ito nang malaman niya ang ginawa ko, sakatuwirang binili na raw niya ang account na yon, na hindi naman totoo. Doon kami nagkagulo. Sigaw ng sigaw siya ng putang-ina mo sa akin; baboy daw ako, nakikikain lang daw ako sa mga kapit-bahay at pakialamiro pa raw. Gumanti rin ako sa pagsigaw ng, “Ikaw, demonyo! Walang hiya! Sa galit nito, inutusan niya ang mga tauhan niya na hablutin ang mga gulay na tinanim nila para daw na hindi ko ito mapakinabangan. Pati ang isang katatanim lang na malaki-laking sanga ng malunggay hindi nakaligtas; binonot ito at hinagis sa akin; ngunit hindi naman umabot. Hindi ko sinadyang natawa ako sa nangyari, na ikinagalit naman niya nang husto. Sabi niya, “Natawa kapa a, may-oras karin!” Sabi ko rin sa kanya, Ikaw, may oras ka rin!
Kahit ganoon ka tindi ang alitan naming dalawa, ngunit hindi ito nakaapekto sa aking pakikitungo sa kanyang mga empleyado. Iniwanan pa nga sa akin ang tatlong manok at mga kagamitan ng kanyang mechanic na ayaw nang summama sa kanya.


NATAPOS KO RIN

Nang umalis na sila, naghintay ako ng mga tatlong araw siguro yon, bago ako lumipat doon sa dati kong tinitirahan na warehouse. Ang mga materyales mula sa mga inaayos na mga bahay, ay nagamit ko sa paggawa ng mas-magandang kuwarto kay sa dati. Pinintorahan ko pa ang loob ng puti at brown; at maganda naman tingnan. Sa pangungulit ko sa isang katapat na opisina, nagkaroon din ako ng koryente. Tuluyan na kasing naputulan ng koryente ang warehouse, gawa nang hindi binayarang electric bill. Dito, naituloy ko ang pagsusulat.
Kung hindi pa ako abalang-abala sa ginagawa ko maaaring napakalungkot ko dito. Ang tao ay nangangailangan ng kausap. At ito ay ipinapakita sa pelikulang cast away; kung saan ang crush survivor na bida na napadpad sa isang isla na walang katao-tao ay lumikha ng isang mukha mula sa isang bola, upang may makakausap. Kaya nga sa kalagayan kong nag-iisa ay masuwerting naging takbuhan ng mga yagit na pusa—may maliit may malaki. Kadalasan, ang bawat pupuntang pusa dito ay hindi na aalis. Gustong-gusto nila dito, kasi, walang disturbo. Masaya narin ako, tuwing nagpapahinga ako sa ginagawa ko, kahit papaano may nakakausap akong mga pusa. Nakakatuwa rin, para silang naging aso: tuwing darating ako takbuhan silang lahat at sasalubong sa akin; lalong-lalo na kung galing ako sa palengke. Ngayon, ang mga magulang ng may-ari sa lupa ay bumisita dito sa San Diego Drive. Nang malaman ng ina nito na marami akong pusa, araw-araw hinahatiran niya ako ng mga tira-tirang pagkain para sa mga pusa ko, na ang sabi niya ay nakapagbigay ng suwerte daw. Minsan kung wala akong ibang ulam maliban sa talbos ng kamote, patago rin akong namimili ng mga buto-buto doon sa ibinibigay na pagkain ng pusa, pangsahog ko sa talbos; o, di nakakaraos din ako.
Kahit na mukhang walang katapusan ang aking pagsusulat, ngunit dumating din ang araw na natatapos ko narin ang aklat ko. Ito ay naglalaman ng mga ala-ala, kuro-kuro sa buhay, at paglalakbay na humantong sa hindi ko inaasahang buhay-lansangan. At ipinapakita nito na may magagawa tayo upang mapaglabanan natin ang mga emosyong nakakasira sa ating buhay nang sagayon makamtan natin ang kapayapan, kaligayahan, at tagumpay sa buhay. Ito ay sa tulong ng isang pamamaraan na personal kong ginagamit, na nakakatulong sa akin upang maisakatuparan ang aklat kong “from Darkeness to the Light.” Sa tingin ko, lahat sa atin ay may kakayahan; hindi lang natin nagagamit ito minsan, sa dahilang, hindi natin natuklasan. Sa pamamagitan ng Pamamaraan ko, ang mga tinatawag na “hidden talents” ay kusang lilitaw upang iyong maramdaman na mayroon ka palang kakayahan na gagawin ang bagay-bagay na hindi mo naisipang magagawa noon. Parang imposible. Pero ito’y nangyari sa akin, kaya ako naniniwala.
Noon, mga dalawang taon na yata ang nakalipas, isang araw, naglilinis ako sa paligid ng warehouse; pinagbubunot ko yong mga naglalakihang mga damo. Nang napagawi ako sa may gilid ng sementadong flooring ng warehouse sa gawing harapan, may nakita akong isang maliit na kahoy na ang tawag nila ay “Anatiles.” Upang hindi lalaki, binunot ko ito. Ngunit sa tuwing nililinisan ko ang lugar na ’yon, nandoon na naman ang kahoy na yon. Sa pangalawang ulit, binunot ko na naman. Ngunit sa pangatlong beses na kabubunot ko, nang makita ko na sumisibol parin ito, nagsusumikap na mabuhay at lumaki, sinabihan ko nalang ito na, Sige, kung gusto mo talagang lumaki, hindi na kita bubunotin. Ayon, pagdaan ng ilang buwan, lumaki na siya. Tuwang-tuwa ako, at maganda naman tingnan. Pero ng mapansin ito ng boss ko, inutusan akong putulin ito; ngunit hindi ko siya sinunod. Hanggang umalis na lang siya sa lugar na ‘yon hindi naputol ang kahoy. Mabilis ang paglaki nito. Noong natapos ang pagsusulat ko, malaking-malaki na ang puno na nagbibigay ng lilim, preskong hangin, at mga maliliit ngunit matatamis na bunga. Hindi ko talalaga sukat akalain na aabot sa ganitong katayoan ang kahoy na ito. Isa siyang—survivor.
Ngayon na tapos na ang aklat, ang pinagtuunan ko na naman ng pansin ay ang paglalathala nito. Sa dahilang napakahirap mai-publish ang gawa nang isang hindi kilalang author, naisipan ko ang mga television stations upang maipakilala ang aking aklat. Dati, may na;g-advice sa akin na subukan ang programang “Wish ko Lang,” baka sakaling mabigyan nang katuparan ang aking hiling na mai-publish ang aking aklat na pinamagatang “from Darkness to the Light.” Noon, hindi ko pa iniintindi ang tungkol sa publishing, kasi, hindi pa naman tapos . Nang dumating na ako sa puntong ito, naisip ko uli iyon. Subukan ko kaya, yon ang naisip ko. Kaya nga, agad kong ginawa ang salaysay na ito.
Noong Feb 27, 2009 maaga akong nanghiram ng pera upang hindi ako maglalakad papuntang GMA. Pagbaba ko ng bus nagtanong-tanong muna ako kung saan ba talaga yong opisina. Hindi pala mahirap hanapin kasi nasa kanto lang, at hindi malayo mula sa binabaan ko. Ngayon, ang pagpapaliwanag doon sa security guard tungkol sa pakay ko ay may kahirapan sa simula, nabubulol kasi ako, hanggang naayos rin at naintindihan. Binigyan ako ng contact number upang maiparating ang aking mensahe sa Wish Ko Lang. Ang ginawa ko, pumunta ako sa may bandang likuran ng gusali at naghanap ng pay phone. Nang nasa linya na ako iminungkahi sa aking ng isang staff na e e-mail ko nalang ang kuwento ko para mabilis.
Ayon, naliwanagan rin ako kung ano ang dapat kong gawin, kasi hindi naman p’wedeng pumasok. Abalang-abala ako sa kaiisip sa mga posibleng kahinatnan nitong proyekto ko, habang ako’y paakyat sa over-pass. Sa mga sandaling iyon, pansamantalang nabura sa aking pansin ang paligid, kaya nga ang laking gulat ko na imbis mapunta ako sa kabilang panig ng daan upang doon ako maghintay ng bus pauwi, nandoon tuloy ako bumaba sa maling babaan. E, ano ba ‘to! sabi ko sa sarili. Nang mapansin ko ang nangyari, ako’y bumalik-agad sa pag-akyat at sinisigurado ko ngayon na mapunta sa kabila.
Sa loob ng bus, ang unang bumati sa akin ay ang isang awitin , na ang sabi “I never knew what brought me here, as if somebody led my hands…” Nagustuhan ko ang awiting ito, noon pa, kahit hindi ko naramdaman ang diwa nito. Inawit ito ng grupong “Survivors” na pinamagatang “Ever Since the World Began.” Pero sa kasalukuyan, nagbigay ito nang ibang damdamin para sa akin—nang mapansin ko na ang lahat na bagay ay may kanya-kanyang direksyon, at maaaring nagsimula ito mula pa noong sinaunang panahon hanggang sa ngayon.
Alam kong malabo pa ang lahat, datapwa’t, masaya ako na nauumpisahan ko nang kumilos at gawin kung ano ang nararapat—at, maghintay sa mga sumusunod na pangyayari. Sabi nga ng ating salawikain “Kung hindi ukol ay hindi bubukol.”